No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
