and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
