I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
