what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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