He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
