hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
