Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
