i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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