do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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