some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize