I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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