i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
