I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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