Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
