i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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