I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
