the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
