im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
