Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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