Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
