Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
