A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
