That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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