So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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