This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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