Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone shit on the floor
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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