I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
