Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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