Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
