We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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