He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
