I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
