You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
