I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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