FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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