It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
