If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
