Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we're so committed to being not committed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
