WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You are the jesus of drinking
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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