Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
