Can Purell be used as lube?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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