dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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