dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
