the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
