so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
