Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vodka?
Forever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
