I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
