So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
