Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
