3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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