we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
