hotel room ftw
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
