TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
