Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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