I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
