She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im holly from the hills drunk
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
