She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
