if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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