I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
