She is in my trunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
