it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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