I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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