to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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