can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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