i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You ruined the universe
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
